The Area Rug
Dad and mum had pulled the chairs back and moved the table aside before he set out for their first big purchase – an area rug – leaving her to mind the babies.
He dumped the rug off his shoulder onto the floor and asked an equally excited Mum to bring some scissors to cut the string.
“I just made a pot of tea; let me pour us a cup so we can sit and admire it.”
“What’s up?” He stomped crossly into the kitchen, where mum was getting the final touches of milk jug and fresh baked tea cake together with the scissors on the tray. She had made his favorite and had been anticipating the pleasure of sitting together to admire his choice. She had allowed the children to play with the precious old Noah’s Ark so they would be quietly amused for at least a while.
He was grumpy, she was hurt, she admired the rug but it wasn’t quite the fanfare
expected, the children broke the giraffe’s neck. And the rug became a piece of family history and a treasure, like a one-eyed teddy, that followed Siouxie around from student digs to her kids playroom floor, to mats for the dog’s house. She had just thrown out the second last piece today.
Ancient Greeks praised the value of a marriage with someone opposite from yourself, in order that you both might grow within its supportive structure, but those early wounds can sting. Compromise results in buried resentment. Accommodation is a more equal path.
Siouxie’s father had told her this story to illustrate how different temperaments have different priorities – “I wanted the immediate pleasure, I couldn’t understand your mum not wanting to see it immediately and then sit and have tea and enjoy admiring it some more – it wasn’t going away!”
Siouxie knew the part of her, that wanted immediate gratification – regardless of the wish of another whose fulfillment required her to lay aside her pleasure.
As for example, part of her that wanted immediate gratification ruled her sleeping hours and refused to release her into material life, where the cold outside the blankets and the decisive action required would keep her from the pleasure of annihilation of the daily ego self and its demands.
An internalised father characteristic which lead to joy and delight, as well as impatience and self defeating gratification. Her mother – her Self – played the part of her that felt unfulfilled – what was she here for??? POETRY:
death breath birth dearth
skim milk of human kindness
brim mink over my cup floweth
nonsense thus i breathe death where is thy stink?
Flies did cluster ‘bout my nostrils – myself dead on the battlefield;
and here I Am breathing and writing, writhing on my bed of sorrow,
orgasmic without pleasure. Is it rape or is it tomorrow? Yes.
Singularity exploded brain imploded human no more shut the FONT DO.
My mind is its OWN treasure. My mind can find its way home if given enough rope to hang itself.
Marriage of Dualities requires Accommodation, from the microcosm of the human to the macrocosm of relationship. Between humans and species. Between animal kingdom and vegetable – we are parts of one structure, and contribute to the whole. Compromise demands too much. Accommodation is evolutionary.