Billy was walking in the moonlight and looking up at the great beautiful bowl of the heavens, as dusk glowed its final warm red light at the horizon. Towards the lemon quarter shaped gumdrop moon, three lights moved speedily at a level suggesting civil aviation. Suddenly, as though having come in reach of a mirror, another set of three lights was moving towards the first, set on a collision course. The lights met, seemed to dance and one lot went out, then both sets reappeared a little further away from the collision point and continued in both directions and then disappeared in a way which was neither sudden nor gradual. It was uncanny.
Billy thought she should write about it, then she felt glum at the non progress of any book or blog or even organization of what she had already written. Her mood became dejected and heavy. Her feet dragged and she walked with less enjoyment and a heavy weight of disappointed expectations.
She sought the reliable comfort of a tree and put her hands on its warm bark, asking it to take the entity from her – this bundle of defeatist conditioning which seemed impossible to permanently shake. After a while she walked on and stood again under the beautiful moon, and Moon’s indigo sky showing through silhouetted branches. She felt able to sense a different entity, as she stood, planted, feet wide apart and pulled her short hair into some sort of gathering for a queue at the base of her skull. She felt like a Chinaman with a pigtail and loose short trousers, her own pants were gaucho length. Loki. His name was in her head. The trickster in Norse mythology. Lo Qi in Chinese . Mixing Energy.
Lo Qi seemed to symbolize a state for Billy in which she was able to handle both Linear and non-Linear thought, paradox, web mind, and still be able to communicate.
Her phone pinged with a message about a friend’s elderly father dying. Billy texted the mutual friend who had sent the news –
“ I salute him in the sky, where in the Bardo, he watches the play,
’til all those he knew and all those who knew him, fade away.”
The bardo is a realm souls go through after death and before reincarnating, in the Tibetan attempt to explain Life and Death.
It consoled Billy to imagine the Bardo or Heaven, as in her head. So her parents could both “watch her from above” – to describe it imaginatively, or be found in her head, to express it prosaically. When she thought of one of her dead, she allowed herself to feel that they were happy to be remembered. She was sure they were only Love; They had done their very best.